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Last summer I experienced an energetic cord cutting ceremony and sweat lodge to release of decades-old wounds and stories with my dad. At the time, I was being drawn back into some of our old patterns and it was necessary to reset my intention to create healthy boundaries in our newly minted relationship. My teacher and eight more beautiful souls, held sacred space for me as I shared my truth and let go. Today I realize this sacred ceremony was a precious gift from the Divine. Two months later my father passed away.
If you’ve been a regular visitor to the Transformation Goddess blog, chances are you know that my dad and I had a volcanic falling out many years ago. I wrote about it here > How to Move Beyond HeartBreak. Thankfully, we reconciled in the spring of 2012 and began to develop a new relationship before he died. I still find it strange he is truly gone. I was certain he’d grow into an ornery old man.
Time wings by and life flows on after a loved one crosses over. Since last November, I said goodbye, hosted an “After Party” for family and friends and swiftly (thank goddess) sold his house. Managing my father’s final affairs while being responsible for my own affairs was a draining process but I got it done with the last big transaction coming through this week. I am deeply grateful he was diligent about having all of his affairs in order. I can’t imagine wrapping up an estate without a road map. Thanks, dad.
From the way back file…As a teenager, I used to visit my dad just about every other the weekend. Without fail, we spent our drive time talking (he did all of the talking) about responsibilities, priorities, getting my grades up, how to establish a good credit rating, and all of the things that teen girls roll their eyes and sigh about. One of our ‘parenting while commuting’ conversations about how I needed to get my shit together was in perfect alignment with my first migraine and the first time I told him to turn the car around and take me home.
By the time I was 15, I had no interest in being lectured by him (or anyone else) and often became anxious and super emotional before every visit. I did not want to be judged. What I wanted was to be loved. Year’s later this pattern of behavior translated into some heavy duty perfection and validation issues. If I was “perfect” I would be loved, maybe even celebrated by my father. I felt like I could never measure up. Can you relate?
At first, I rebelled, then with my dad’s prompting I went to college, got my degree and become as successful in my career as possible. I was the first in our family to go to college and make stacks fo cash. I would certainly get some recognition with all of this success. Wouldn’t I?
With life experience comes the gift of wisdom. I am grateful for the life lessons my dad taught me even when I didn’t want to hear them. I am glad I worked my ass off and became a successful business woman. My former life and career have contributed beautifully to my life as an entrepreneur. I understand that our imperfectly perfect relationship helped me become the woman I am today. As the mama of a 15-year-old daughter, I now understand his lectures were given from a place of love and wanting me to create and enjoy the best life possible.
In the last six months, I’ve dreamed about and talked with my dad often. He often shows up as a bright red Cardinal at my home and when I’m driving. He loved Cardinals. I’ve cried more than I thought I would. My tears come with a sense of relief instead of regret.
I am relieved that we made peace. I grieve for him. I grieve for me. Today I feel grateful he is at peace after suffering for far too long. I give thanks for the new connection I have with him in the afterlife.
The healing ceremony prepared me to say goodbye. I feel incredibly lucky to be part of the EarthWalk community. I am blessed to be immersed in the sacred work that allows me to ask for support, cut energetic cords, and release old stories.
It’s been 6 months since my dad passed away. It’s wild to think about all that has happened since his crossing over. I am deeply grateful for all of the support I’ve received from my husband and loved ones. If my dad were still alive, he would have been delighted with all of the Michigan State Spartan victories over the last 6 months. I can’t even imagine what he’d be saying about the political scene. One thing is certain, he’d have a very STRONG opinion that would make you laugh your ass off or duck your head.
Rest in peace, Dad.
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Are you ready for your own cord cutting ceremony?
For the safest and best possible outcome, energetic cord cutting is best-done with someone who is trained in energy work and can set and hold a safe container for you.