The Transformation Goddess Summer Writing series includes divine feminine articles written by women who agreed to share their personal journey of reclaiming their voices and speaking their truth, in the 3rd Annual Goddess Talk Sessions Global Event this September. If you enjoy Tanya’s article, you are welcome to join us this fall and get to know this brave and spirited woman.
When I was very young, I remember my mom crying, sharing how she felt and then my dad yelling, punching a hole in the wall.
I must have unconsciously decided at that moment that I would not cry, not express how I truly felt or what I thought, to anyone. So, that I could be safe, cared for, loved.
I began to stuff my feelings and guidance with food and TV. I then moved to alcohol and over-achieving in my teenage years. In college and adulthood, I stayed extremely busy which kept me from feeling or hearing my truth.
Through the years my anxiety and depression also grew. I experienced GI issues. I started taking medications to soothe them all, but none really worked. I still wasn’t listening to my body’s guidance and the messages it was trying to tell me.
So my body turned up the volume. At the age of 29, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I was in shock. As an Occupational Therapist in a Rehab Hospital, I knew how bad it could get—having to use a wheelchair was a probability.
I tried western medicine for almost 3 years. I continued to get worse and have more relapses-weakness and numbness on the right side of my body, loss of vision in my right eye, trouble finding words. I was only able to work 10-20 hours a week. My days of running were over. I became more depressed and felt hopeless.
One day I went to give myself a shot of medicine and a loud internal voice said: “put the needle down, there is another way.” I’m not sure why, but I listened this time and put down the needle, for good. Everyone thought I was crazy, but I knew deep down I had to start following my inner guidance.
I continued to connect with and listen to this voice more every day. It wasn’t easy as it often stirred up lots of fear. I usually didn’t like what it was telling me to do or say. I thought if I did, I would lose love, support, approval, my friends, even my job. I noticed though that when I didn’t, my body would begin to nudge me again with negative symptoms.
Slowly I began to do and say those scary things it was telling me to. I told people no when I used to say yes. I shared my thoughts even if it wasn’t the popular opinion. I stood up for myself when people were being critical, controlling or mean. It took years, but eventually, I even resigned from my hospital job, let go of friends, and asked for a divorce. These relationships were no longer fulfilling or honoring me or my truth. My guidance told me I had to move on to be happy, healthy and fully heal. With great courage, I listened.
Today, I rarely feel depressed or have stomach issues. I have healthy tools to manage the anxiety. I no longer experience Multiple Sclerosis or the awful symptoms that went with it. I run every day, plus hike and camp most weekends. I have a supportive partner who I can rock the boat and grow with and a few amazing friends who love me for who I am. I have a coaching business I love while living a balanced lifestyle. My passion and purpose are to support others to live their truth, heal, and receive abundance in all areas of their lives too.
It might not be easy, but the rewards of speaking, being and living your truth are worth it. Healing isn’t for sissies. Dig deep, be brave. You can do it too!
About Tanya Penny
Tanya Penny, Self-Love Catalyst & Vibrant Body & Abundant Life Coach™, empowers, teaches, and supports healers, coaches, and those that are ready to move through your fear & self-doubt, heal chronic illness or trauma, SO you can step into self-confidence, create a healthy, balanced body and lifestyle TO fully live your passions, purpose AND the abundant life of ultimate freedom you are here to live! After struggling for 25+ years with anxiety, depression, weight, and chronic illness, Tanya started searching for the root cause of it all and created Vibrant Body & Abundant Life™ to heal her body, past trauma and live her healthy life of passion & purpose. Find out more about Tanya and her work at www.tanyapenny.com