Photo by Shann Vander Leek
I’m excited to introduce you to Sara Renée Logan. I found Sara online and fell in love with her writing style. I know you will enjoy her story of transition and transformation.
Ready to Bloom
I didn’t want this transformation. In fact, I fought against it with everything I could muster. I tried so hard not to be forced to open and change, but there it was. Time to shift, whispered the universe. Come on now, honey, pick up your coat. Let’s go.
For months – for nearly two years – I had been getting signs and signals that I was not in the right place. Although I had been working for many years in the same educational movement, and had finally made the move from the little school where I’d been for many years, to a big, established school, and I thought it was the right fit, things were going downhill. I’d had to have my appendix removed after two weeks of mysterious stomach pain. I was depressed and moody. My temper was short, my energy was low, and I couldn’t get ahead.
There were conversations, plans, programs put into place. I was under constant scrutiny at work, which made me edgy and nervous, which made teaching hard, which aroused concern, which meant more scrutiny… Someone, an evaluator, asked if I was in the right place. I couldn’t hear the question as a genuine question, a reflection; all I could hear was judgement. And it went on and on. But I worked. My God, I worked. I read and planned and tried so hard to get it right. Nothing seemed good enough, and whenever I thought I was finally getting somewhere, there would be another setback. At the same time, tiny, in the back of my mind, there was a whisper. Make your own way. You need to be free. This is killing you. But I didn’t listen; I didn’t see any other way.
So one November afternoon, I walked into a meeting, expecting to talk about my progress on a performance improvement plan. There were five people sitting in the circle. A candle burned in the center. That’s how we did things there. Circles, a candle, quiet.
There was acknowledgement of my gifts, my struggle, my work. They spoke of the changes and progress they had seen. They shared that the level of support they felt I needed could not be sustained, that my contract was being ended. And there was clarity. This epoch was ending, and soon.
Over the next three weeks, I called in my resources. I talked with old friends and wise ones. I let an old job know I was available to work for them again, and I prepared to say goodbye to the children I had been teaching for two and a half years. I packed up my books and belongings. And I walked out the door.
In the first week, my partner told me how much better it was to be around me. I began to feel the edges of the box I’d forced myself into over the past three years. I wondered what I was going to do now, and the ideas began to whisper to me again. Write, they said. Teach. Speak. Somewhere under the layers of career and vocation and motherhood and fear, I was still there. Suddenly, I wondered how this Sara dresses. What does she read, if not books about teaching? What does she like to do? Slowly, the work of uncovering myself has begun.
And now? Here I am. There are many things I still want to shift, especially around my relationship to money, my parenting, and my relationship to time, but more and more, I realize this was the change I was craving. The freedom I am experiencing is so scary and beautiful and enlivening. The projects I am envisioning now are expansive and generous. I have been asked to help an acquaintance bring her new, big project to birth in the world. The gifts that live in me are craving expression, and they are being called out into the world– my writing, my storytelling, my skills in guiding people to their best expression of Self.
None of this means there isn’t grief, that seeing my former students, who perhaps think it was my idea to leave them behind, isn’t painful and bittersweet. I am deliciously human. But I am learning to trust the great Wisdom and Guidance that carries me, and to stop struggling. When I put my feet down on the earth, and breathe, and listen, I can heard the whisper. Come on, honey. Let’s go.
Spring is slowly returning to Minnesota where I live. The days are lengthening, and I feel the anxious gloom of winter receding. I cannot wait to see what this summer will bring. I am ready to bloom.
- Are you in the midst of a life changing career transition?
- How long have you been in the thick of things?
- What do you know you need to do right now to support yourself?
She uses story, myth, and legend to delight and inspire. Sara is a writer, singer, and storyteller.
She shares her life with her partner, Melanie, and their son, Anders. Sara has a home on the web at http://sarareneelogan.weebly.com.
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P.S. Join me for the next Transformation Goddess Coaching Circle. Our first call is on Wednesday, April 10th at 7:00pm Eastern.