Image courtesy of luigi diamanti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
A little over a year ago, I found myself surfing the “seventh-wave”…the “big kahuna” I call it…the wave that folklore, beach bums and ancient mariners believe to be the biggest and strongest in a rhythm of a series of seven. The swell of that transformational tidal wave swiftly lifted me up, up and away…plopping me down in a rip current that took me so far from shore, I could no longer see land…the land I had once so happily inhabited.
This was a specific tidal wave of sorts…brought about by a blast of spiritual kundalini, causing an awakening that was so fast, so furious that I was suddenly forced to doggie-paddle there in middle of nowhere, trying to keep my head above water, while realizing all the structural supports that kept me safe and I held dear for my entire adult life…my partner of 17 years, my San Francisco apartment, my CD collection…seemed to be swiftly drifting away. There I was, barely regaining consciousness…out there in the eye of the storm, treading water, when a new me was pulsing through, requiring me to acknowledge, honor and own her.
As those skilled in the art of transformation…I know you get it.
Sometimes you are just catching your breath from being pulled into the undertow and you have to simultaneously batten down the hatches because that next swell is furiously brewing behind you.
Sometimes the Goddess provides a flotation device…my Spiritual Mama recently reminded me.
You know, something to hang onto for a bit, to simply keep us afloat while we try and make our way from point A to point B. It’s not a thing built for long-term stability or structural support…but it can be, just the thing, we need to give us a bit of buoyancy, in those moments, when the transformational tidal wave decides to take us for a ride.
And suddenly, out there in the eye of the storm, my flotation device appeared…manifesting as a lover, there, right in front of me, when everything else seemed foreign and far away. Isn’t it interesting the Goddess gave me just a device? Someone rather “immune” to things like spiritual awakenings and ignorant of the side effects that happen to us women who are here in service to the Divine. Though it was just what was needed to pull me out of the spiritual ether and tether me to the earth.
But there was a catch…and oh, there is always a catch.
Flotation devices aren’t built to last.
Soon they will deflate…and suddenly, there we are trying to hang on, with no strength left to go in search of that undiscovered land.
The trick in this transformational test is to decide…when it’s time to let go, swim like hell and put our attentions toward that new and distant shore. Even if we might convince ourselves it’s easier to put all our remaining mojo into making that flotation device work…long term and hope it will morph into a yacht so we can simply sail off into the sunset.
That device can give us a false sense of security.
It can skew our hopes and dreams.
It can make us settle for less…and can even get us off course.
And, that is sometimes, the hardest part.
We all have them.
The job we keep, a bit too long.
The relationship we stay in, even though we say we “deserve” better.
The creaky house we inhabit, because we can’t be bothered with clearing the clutter and moving on out.
We cling for our life, scrambling to stay afloat… using our energetic resources whining to our girlfriends about the job we want, the lover we desire or the dream house we are surely meant to have.
But there comes a moment when it’s time…to turn away, take a deep breath and simply let go…putting all our efforts, instead, into swimming fast and furiously in search of a different land.
How do you know when it’s time?
When is it safe to let go?
Well, it’s never safe, honey. That’s not what transformational storms are about. However, there is a moment when you know you are dipping into your already exhausted, energetic reserves. There is a moment when it’s more pain than pleasure. When it’s depleting you more than it’s nourishing you.
At some point, all the air will be sucked out, and all you have left is a shriveled-up piece of plastic where a firmly inflated raft had been.
That’s when it’s already, a bit overdue, and it’s time to let go.
Time to swim for a new shore, a distant land…
even if we can quite sense where it is, or how long it will take to get there.
This is when you muster all that is left within…take a deep breath, get ready to do the crawl stroke…and set your sight on the horizon of what your Soul has out there, just waiting for you.
Sometimes, a beautiful thing can happen. At that very moment, when we have just decided to move on…a higher level of trust and guidance comes in. That Ocean…we see that She has had our back all along.
Suddenly the clouds part, the waters calm…and that new and distant shore, we thought was so out of reach, is suddenly not so far away.
To your most beautiful and brightest light.
P.S. Since it is a month of honoring Mothers I would like to honor, my Spiritual Mama, friend and Mentor, Leana Alba. Who did not birth me, but has mid-wifed me through the birth canal more than once…and has been a true structural support through many spiritual awakening. I love you. And thank you for not thinking I am crazy.
Jennifer Mizel is a Modern Day Medicine Woman and Channel to the Akashic Field who guides women to stand in the beauty of their Soul. She works with women one-on-one in their own Akashic Records and in her group experiences to connect with a powerful level of Sacred and Soulful success.
Her upcoming group program, REIGNITE: turning burnout to bliss, a live experience begins May 28th and is enrolling now at: www.jennifermizel.com/reignite.