In honor of my 24th wedding anniversary, I hope you will enjoy this post from the sacred archives of Transformation Goddes…
Last weekend we celebrated my mom’s birthday. A small gathering of family and friends came together to share a meal at one of our favorite restaurants once owned by my grandparent’s in the mid 60’s and early 70’s. In my mind’s eye, my beautiful mama will forever be in her early 40’s. At that time, she was the happiest I can remember. Truly happy. She was marrying her sweetheart after raising me on her own. She was beginning a new life as I went off to college to start my own. Almost 30 years later, she is still happily married to my stepfather.
As we talked the night away at dinner, it occurred to me that every couple at the table has been married for at least 20 years. I was 5 years old when I acted as flower girl at my aunt and uncle’s wedding. My mom’s best friend and her husband have been together since they were 15 years old and are still going strong in their early 60’s. My husband Thomas and I celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this month.
I’m in awe of the respect, intimacy, love, and challenges each couple has experienced. Each person at the table found love and created a life together, for the long haul. What an honor to be part of a family who loves each other and demonstrates lasting friendships through good times and bad.
I never dreamed I could be loved and love my husband as much as I do. Each day I see him in a new light. It still blows my mind that he chose me. To love and be loved is a glorious gift. Over the years, Thomas and I have learned that there are 5 secrets to our successful marriage.
5 Secrets to a Successful Marriage
1. Demonstrate respect and loving kindness for each other.
2. Practice open and honest communication – including being fair when we are angry or have a disagreement – We will not open old wounds, yell, or try to throw each other into a shame pit when we make mistakes. We laugh at ourselves and each other a lot!
3. Walk through life side-by-side with plenty of time to be independent.
4. Practice replacing closed expectations with open invitations.
5. Make love notes and random acts of kindness a priority. My husband often leaves me notes by the coffee maker to wish me a good day.
Please share your secrets to a successful marriage or partnership in the comments section.
Enjoy my favorite poem about the union of marriage written by Kahlil Gibran.
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.