Are your lofty expectations out of reach or setting you up to fail?

Have you ever considered the difference between an expectation and an invitation?

The definition of an Expectation is:

“A strong belief that something will happen in the future.”

The definition of an Invitation is:

“The action of inviting someone to go somewhere or do something.” This someone can be yourself.

Combine the two definitions and get, “The action of inviting someone to go somewhere or do something that will happen in the future.” You are now inviting someone to support you in the pursuit of whatever you are creating, with the understanding that when you make an agreement, they will show up to the best of their ability or expertise.

Many of the powerful women drawn to my life coaching business have ultra high expectations of themselves and others. Toss is a heaping cup of impatience and a dollop of determination, they often find themselves creating a recipe for disaster. They are often disappointed in themselves, and others for the lack of their  perfect expected outcome and the project is classified as rubbish.

I get it. Requiring people and things to bend to my will is something I can relate to. HA HA HA!!

When you set the bar of your expectations as high as the heavens, your ego will eliminate or beat the crap out of those who are not perfect. This becomes an interesting way to get lost in an abyss of discomfort and disappointment. Out of reach expectations can breed insecurity in ourselves and can lead to blaming others for not stepping up to the task.

Over achievers often find themselves in this situation. Can you relate?

When you replace your expectations with invitations, you can support yourself and your circle of influence to show up in the best light.  How you might change your language to be more supportive and encouraging? Here are a few examples:

Your Friends:

I invite you to be mindful, honest and reciprocate loving kindness.

Your Employees

I invite you to be present, focused and get the job done to the best of your ability.

Your Clients

I invite you to show up and communicate clearly that which you wish to discover.

To Yourself

I invite my self to be patient whilst I make incremental improvements in my relationship with myself and others.

Snapping your fingers and expecting your every wish to come true is silly. Even Veruca Salt’s character in Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory, eventually got her due when she weighed in on the golden egg scale. I can hear Veruca saying “Daddy, if I don’t get what I want, I’ll make your life a living hell. How dare you ignore my lofty expectations of you!”

Choosing to make clear and focused invitations is a healthier place to operate from.

Admittedly, I love getting my own way. I love winning. I love making things happen. I love to be in concert with brilliant people. Who doesn’t?

I choose to show up with an invitation and can live with being denied. After all, it’s not all about me. It is about knowing what I wish to create and inviting my circle of influence to show up and support me if they want to.

  • What would happen if you replaced your expectations with invitations?
  • How have you been burned by expecting yourself to be perfect?
  • Have you ever expected too much of your loved ones, employees or co-workers? How did that work out for you?

About Shann Vander Leek

Shann Vander Leek

Shann Vander Leek is an Award Winning Podcaster, Best Selling Author, Voice Over Talent, Podcast Coach, and Media Expert.

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